Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Does it seem Perfect?

You know those blogs I'm talking about. The ones where everything seems so "perfect". A perfectly decorated house, perfectly dressed children, beautifully displayed food, and pictures posted that are supposed to make you feel like they just "captured" the moment. In reality they probably spent half the day setting the display, and making sure the lighting was right.

I was thinking about this. I have been thinking about this for a while. My husband and I have some friends who make it seem that everything in their life is "picture perfect". And it's hard. It's hard to connect with those friends. It also got me thinking? What does my blog say about me? How will Liam interpret what I have written for him? Will it be a far cry from the mom in his memories? Will it be just another side to me, that he never saw? My pictures are never perfect, in fact I often post the worst pictures showing my messy house, and my mis-matched 18 month old. (Beautiful 18 month old, I must add). But what will his blog books really read? I want Liam to know the good along with the bad.

As mothers, it's our instinct to want to protect our children from ever experiencing pain. But the truth is that Life has a lot of pain. A lot of suffering, and tragedy. I hate that one day this will be a reality for Liam. However it's not something I can save him from. In fact, it's necessary for him to grow into the man that God has planned for him. I just wish that their was another way around. So where am I going with all of this?

I never want Liam, my 10 blog readers, or our future children to have a mis-represented view of our life. I want to be real, and open. Although I tend to post our most happiest and precious moments, life is hard. Marriage is constant work. For the both of us. It's a series of cycles, ups, downs, sacrifice, and compromise. There is never a break. There can never be a break, if we want to stay together and be genuinely happy. Yes, it's easy to love Matt. However, it takes constant work to live and share a life with someone.

Liam is perfect. If you read my blog, than you know having him was the greatest gift I've ever known. Loving him with every fiber, instantly, has changed me. But raising him has had it's challenges. Writing this, and looking back at his birth, infancy, and beginning toddler stages, I can honestly say I would not change one moment. I would even keep the sleepless nights, and the hours upon hours of rocking in our chair. It made me the mother I am today. It was hard. Especially leaving him at 9 weeks to go back to work full time, pumping every few hours, rushing home at lunch to see him, get home at 5:30pm and get 2 hours of sleep to do it all over again the next day. I wouldn't change it. Never. Not for anything. In fact, I have even asked God sometimes while rocking Liam's toddler body, limbs hanging off the sides of our chair, barely fitting in my lap, if he could give me just "one more moment" with him as a tiny infant. Curled up against my neck, softly breathing, smelling of new baby. When I was in those moments, I was exhausted. Matt and I were irritated with each other because of the lack of sleep, and lack of knowledge of what a new baby wants.  But they were also "perfect moments". Nothing that was captured with great lighting and set displaying. No, those perfect moments are in my heart forever.

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